Confession of an Average Malaysian Driver
Malaysians are infamously known for their notorious driving habits. However, I object the statement and think that Malaysians are in fact, very good drivers. So here below I list down, comparing the good and the bad Malaysian driver.
Let’s start off with a typical devil-wannabe Malaysian driver:-
The bad Malaysian driver would keep a lot of distance between him and the car in front of him, just enough for a trailer to fit in. This action wastes road space and make drivers behind him to mang chang.
This type of driver will also drive slowly on the fast lane, middle lane and even on the slow lane. This act is reckless as they act as obstacles for other cars driving at highway speed. They usually subtract on an average 20kph from the speed limit for the particular road. These drivers focus too much on driving that they forget to give way to other much faster approaching cars, a very selfish act.
Enough on the dark side. Now on to the angelic Malaysian driver.
A good Malaysian driver hardly uses the horn function on the steering wheel. They think that it will disturb the peaceful environment and also to prevent people from getting hard attacks. Instead, when they want to remind you to give way, the will normally flash their headlights or drive subtlely close to the car in front. Either that, or they will just flash their hand or finger.
Another fine example is they don’t waste road space. Unlike the devil above, road space is utilized efficiently. Every time a good driver sees an empty space on the adjacent lane, he or she will make full use of it. The empty space the driver left behind will be utilized by other good drivers. Apart from this method, a good driver will also keep road usage to a minimum by driving fast. This saves time for the driver and also reduces the amount of time the car is on the road, hence reducing the possibility of jam. Road usage is also maximized by using the emergency lane whenever a jam occurs.
These Malaysian drivers are a concerned lot. They care for their other fellow species. Whenever there is an accident, the bad driver that kena the mishap need not worry about nobody to come and help. There will be scores of good drivers, who are more than willing to lend a helping hand. They stop at roadsides, even if there are already many other cars stopping. Heck, even the good drivers on the opposite lane stop, and risk their lives crossing a busy highway just to make sure their fellow members are safe. Other good drivers who could not help directly, will slow down their cars to pray for a speedy recovery.
Good drivers turn on their high-lights to help lit up the road for other road users. Poorly lit roads can cause accidents as the drivers cannot anticipate the passage ahead. Some even go as far as installing extra bright xenon headlights, configured in a way to shine at least a mile ahead; another quality of a concerned driver.
For these good drivers, getting a distinction in the driving license’s exam is a piece of cake. Usually they are home trained by their parents (also good drivers) years before the legal driving age so that when they come of age, they will be certified good drivers. Why sit for the exam if they are already certified as good drivers? Because good drivers want to donate what known as duit kopi to the officers as a goodwill and to promote welfare.
Abiding the speed limit is also what good drivers do. Speed limits here mean the minimum speed. If you see 110, means minimum 110kph. And when good drivers spot police, they will slow down as a sign of respect. Polices know they are good drivers, and it is police’s job to nab very fast drivers (who are also good drivers). So in order to not force the police to act, good drivers slow their cars to show modesty.
Left and right turn indicators are pretty much useless to a good driver. The community of good drivers is interlinked through brain waves, telekinesis and voodoo. When a good driver plans to make a turn, the brain waves from this driver is picked up by other good drivers, hence avoiding any unnecessary collisions. Bad drivers however, are deprived of this gift, and therefore use indicators which can be distracting to other drivers. Seeing flashing lights hampers driver concentration.
A good driver is also a multitasker. One hand on the phone sms-ing, while the other feeding burger into his mouth and talking at the same time, while using his or her knee to steer. This is an acquired skill not easily learnt by bad drivers. Multitasking saves time, and boost productivity for the benefit of the nation. Doing this at 110kph is a challenge for some, but for good drivers, it’s a piece of cake.
As you can see, the good thumped the ugly side of a typical Malaysian driver with a resounding victory. Yet, I still don’t know why people label us Malaysians as being barbaric on the road. Maybe it’s time they come here and race for themselves.
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